Mrs Bitey’s recent success in rat hunting and the media coverage about Uggie, Jack Russell star of Golden Globe winning ‘The Artist’, has got me thinking more about suitable employment for her – something that taps into her skill set of intelligence, hunting instinct and agility.
Obviously, rat and rabbit hunting are the most well known occupations and indeed the JR breed was developed by a hunt obsessed vicar looking for the ideal dog small enough to wriggle into holes but tough enough to bump off the prey quickly and efficiently.
The gorgeous Uggie and colleagues before him, most notably Moose, aka Eddie from Frazier, have shown that Jack Russells are natual show offs and have excellent acting ability. Mrs Bitey can certainly do an Oscar winning ‘Oh Woe Is Me’ routine at the vet or when tied up outside Sainsbury’s, and it seems to be that actor dogs regularly outperform their human counterparts. Legend has it that 1930s doggy star Rin Tin Tin garnered more votes for Best Actor than his co star, leading to an outright ban on animal nominations for the Oscars which remains in place to this day.
Jacks also do a fair bit of modelling, especially for pet food packaging, but interestingly they are never pictured with the actual product that they are marketing. I guess this is because the ‘model’ has eaten all of the products beforehand. Mrs B, a photoshoot and a heap of treats are a pretty unholy trinity when you think about it and certainly a recipe for disaster.
So what else could Mrs B do? Well, one option is to be a tennis ball girl. Jack Russells are small and compact, thus not obscuring the view of the net and court, are fast on their feet and love chasing and catching balls. Mrs B enjoys watching tennis on the telly and certainly it can hold her attention for hours. However, the downsides are the unlikelihood of a Jack Russell actually giving the ball back and the potential for fighting if more than one Jack decided to go for the ball. The umpire’s requests for quiet during play would probably be ignored with a cacophony of barking and no doubt there would be a poo on court stops play episode at some point.
Back to the drawing board.
Being territorial, nosey and feisty, would security and guard duties suit the unemployed Jack? Saying that, I don’t think a handler threatening to unleash a terrier has quite the same effect as a Doberman or Alsatian, unless the fugitive is very small that is. Also, if Mrs B took a liking to the fugitive, she probably would roll over and demand that her tummy be tickled rather than bring him or her down. If something more interesting, say a squirrel, was in the vicinity, Mrs B would probably cut her losses chasing a boring human and go for something more fun instead.
Perhaps not. Think on.
Mrs B and friends are very intelligent and armed with a cracking sense of smell. They are eager to please and like to be out and about so I briefly thought about them being guide dogs. Again, the Jack Russell headstrong nature spells disaster as you’d probably end up where they wanted to go rather than where you planned to go. You can imagine some poor bugger who only wanted to go out to buy a pint of milk being dragged halfway up a mountain in pursuit of a crow instead. There could be a niche market for this type of guide dog as one of Bitey’s favourite aunties, Stella, pointed out – a sort of Guide Dogs for the Adventurous. You can almost imagine the accompanying TV series- Extreme Guide Dogs with Ray Mears or possibly an ITV4 slot ‘Guide Dogs from Hell’.
And so it seems that the most suitable professions for Mrs B are hunting or being a drama queen …. Thankfully she won’t need any training as she has years of practice for both!
